“My Biggest Regrets”

Published by Aperion Review (January 2014).

 My Biggest Regrets

When Sprinkles, my mom’s cat, got hit by a car after I accidentally let her out; That I didn’t fuck that French guy at the bar on my 25th birthday; Drinking in front of my sister during Lent; Whatever the hell led me to pierce my belly-button; The fact that I only ever fucked James so I could get ahold of the authentic, signed-with-a-Sharpie AC/DC shirt he basically never wore because he loved it so much; How I’ve never actually been honest at confession because of what the priest would think of me; Eating only ramen noodles for a week on a dare; Telling my sister I hated her after having too many car bombs at her birthday party; Making it to second base with Stephanie Stevens—sort of; The time I hooked up with my roommate Dana’s boyfriend while she was passed out at a St. Paddy’s Day party; That I didn’t throw my drink on the guy who called me a whore at the bar—that I laughed it off, cried later; How far I went to convince Dana he was the wrong guy for her; When I told James I had no idea what happened to the AC/DC shirt he said belonged to his dad; Faking a miscarriage to get Dana’s ex off my back; And the fact that I’ll deny all of it if you tell anyone.


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